Real Talk, Clemson…

It’s been about two days since the fine Clemson Tigers from my home state of South Carolina, stepped into the White House for what we thought would be a celebration fit for kings of collegiate football.  Instead, what we saw was more like a feast fit for a few fat five year olds.

Accept the Invite From Quavo; You Deserve Better Damnit

As a proud Gamecock, i’m putting my boxing gloves and autographed 5×7 portrait of Cocky to the side, and I’m crossing the lines of the battlefield in order to tell my collegiate arch rivals that, hey – You Deserve Better (cue sentimental music). To my orange brothers from the upstate, you ended the season with a 15-0 perfect record! You proved yourselves to not only be just as good as Alabama – you’re better.  This football team is the first 15-0 major college team in football history – like WTF?! Even despite a few setbacks, and set-ups; y’all DID DAT! Which is why i’m putting my Carolina Gamecock pride to the side and demanding that all of South Carolina stand together to plea for you all to have the celebration you deserve! And this can only be brought to you buy Quavo from The Migos. Yes, i’m here to tell you to ACCEPT THE INVITE!

We’ll Talk About Why You Even Accepted His Invite Later…

Yes, we saw your wonderful parade, that was cute, but of course your visit to the White House should have been the icing on the cake.  Now, we won’t sit here and question why in the hell you even accepted an invite to that place – partisan lines aside.  But, no for real – why TF did you all accept an invitation to that place though?  Either way, you accepted it and i’m sure it was because a few of you are probably fans of the President.  I mean, I kind of understand, he’s Orange – you’re Orange; I get it. However, serving championship athletes two-for-one Big Macs from hood McDonald’s in D.C. is not only out of order, it’s out-of-line and it’s damn near disrespectful!

Imagine a Quavo/Tiger Celebration…I Can See It Now

That’s why I am here to encourage whoever needs to hear this. Accept the invite from Quavo, I can picture it now.  A catered food spread to die for, flowing with lobster, shrimp, steak, grits, chicken and waffles catered by Private Chef Corey of Live From the Kitchen.  For the few of you old enough to drink – Gold Bottle Ace of Spades, D’usse, Pelligrino, and Hawaiian Punch, and red Kool-aid for the rest of you. A playlist that stands the test of time, from Versace and Hannah Montana all the way to Lamb Talk and Workin’ Me.  And of course, girls will be there (ok they’ll be strippers, but they’re still girls, right)? It’s finna be a ratchet, boughetto, good time! And yes, some of your teammates from Pickens, Easly, and Greelyville won’t understand anything being said, but none of that matters when you’re eating lobster and watching stripp…girls! Last but not least, imagine the adlibs they’ll create just from hanging around the team: “win like a Clem-son Tiger (win); roll like we goin higher (tide, tide, tide, tide, skrt)” – or something like that.

Dance Wit My Dogs In The Nighttime Tho

Let’s face it, the President can barely get a championship team to accept any of his invites to the White House, and then finally, a team accepts and this is what he did to you all? Is This Your King?! The internet had McDonald’s jokes for three whole days after this KFC kerfuffle.  But, now you can redeem your White House experience – go ahead, dance with my dogs in the nighttime; accept Quavo’s invite.

Let’s Put Our Rebel Flags & Red Rice Aside, and Let’s Come Together

Trust me, it’s hard for South Carolinians to come together on any matter, however, Rebel flags and red rice aside.  Let’s come together as an ass-backward red state and stand united in harmony for at least once in our lives.  You deserve better Clemson Tiger Football team, and Quavo can help you get what you deserve. Congrats fellas.